funny with a soundtrack

Book Reveal: Are You Kidding Me? by S...

Hop into your minivan and get ready to cruise through the crazies of Suburbia! Humorist Stacey Gustafson makes an entertaining tour guide in Are You Kidding Me?, a brash, voyeuristic peek inside the topsy-turvy world of suburban motherhood, midlife madness, and all points in between. If you’ve ever called SWAT on a neighbor, faked a heart at [...]

100 Word Song: Dark Sunglasses

Dark Sunglasses Shield you from the sun Shield you from the world Now you’re looking cool Not an ordinary girl If you’re lucky, can be rose colored Anything would help This world looks gray and gritty You don’t wanna be yourself Those Ray Bans make it sweeter Less reason now to squint And the world sees you much clearer Not [...]

10 Reasons Why I Blog

why i blog
This is not me. But wouldn’t it be great if it were?   “I’m” so beautiful, hip, stylish and blonde!  I always wanted to be a blonde.  I was for a few months, but it didn’t work out.  I’m not all that sunny.  I’m a moody brunette through and through. Here “I’m” so Urban Profession [...]

The Tale of the Neon Vagina

neon vagina
It’s story time, children.  Everyone gather ’round on the story carpet.  I’m going to tell you the tale of the magical, mystical Neon Vagina. Once upon a time, before this writer was a mom she married Kevin.  On this momentous day, people brought gifts.  Some brought lovely keepsakes, some brought crappy things like salt an [...]

Jesus Interviews Celebrities: Madonna

Welcome, My children, to the third installment of My talk show, Jesus!  I’m your Heavenly Host, Jesus Christ. You know, three has always been a magic number for Me, and so I’ve decided the guest for My third show should be someone extra special and important.  Who better than Madonna, to fill that bill.   Gosh, I have so much to [...]

Celebrity Worship or Whoreship?

Last night I had the craziest dream. My husband Kevin and I were on a plane and the Captain made an announcement: “Attention ladies and gentlemen. We are lucky today to have a special guest onboard! Kristen Wiig of Saturday Night Live is here…(passengers cheer) “and she will be landing the plane!”  More cheering.  App [...]

Patrón Cafe Dark Choco-Orange Coffee-...

Chocolate.  Coffee.  Tequila.  In a pretty bottle.  Patrón’s XO Cafe Dark is my favorite libation at the moment.  Of the Patrón line of tequila’s it is one of the least expensive too. Chocolate and coffee both pair well with orange, so I decided on Triple Sec.  It’s not too sweet – just a nice hint of orange. Ingredi [...]

Fear and Loathing in the Third Stall

I have an irrational fear of public restrooms. Come to think of it, maybe it’s not so irrational.  After all, they’re usually disgusting, and while my husband is pretty good at avoiding public bathrooms, I have a bladder the size of a walnut, and it’s triggered every time I walk through the threshold of a big box store, so [...]

Took the A Train

Saturday morning.  I get on the A train at the W. 4th street station and park myself on a seat which is perpendicular to a couple of seats being occupied by a kindly looking older African American couple. I say “couple” because it looked, and more importantly, sounded to me like they were together.  And by “together” [...]

There’s a Hoo-Ha In Whoville

There’s a Hoo-Ha in Whoville The thing is bright pink And its stink is much stinkier than the stink from a Gink Its color’s more vivid than you’d ever think And when folks down in Whoville see it, they shrink It makes the Whos’ eyes wide, but they give it a wink It’s ingrained in their memories like indelible [...]

Jesus Interviews Celebrities: Justin ...

Hello My children, and welcome My talk show!  Today’s guest is someone you’re undoubtedly familiar with whether you like it or not.  He’s been in the news, he’s been all over your radio, and some of your daughter’s bedroom walls, and he’s even been in the slammer.  Join me in welcoming The Biebs himself, J [...]

I’m Just a Girl

Just a Girl
Kevin returned from a client meeting shaking his head in frustration.  As an architect, he deals with all sorts of humanity, not the least of which are demanding, entitled, “I can have and do anything” types.  But this time, the source of frustration did not stem from that ilk. “This woman just kept deferring to me, saying [...]

Teacher Gifts: Welcome To the Land Of...

You’ll have to excuse me; I’m feeling a little salty lately.  I prefer to blame it on menopause, but really, I think it has something to do with the fact that this school year has gone on far too long.  You see, we live in the east, where the incessant snow days make it necessary for the kids to go to school well into June. We [...]

An Open Letter To J. Crew: Stop the e...

Dear J. Crew, I visited your outlet store exactly once.  And because I wasn’t thinking clearly, I gave your sales associate my e-mail address. Big mistake. I won’t get into the reasons why it bothers me when I’m asked to give out personal information after making a purchase. Let’s just say if I’m interested in [...]

Song Parody: We Can’t Stop

  This one’s for parents everywhere who realize their kids are throwing a party, (or a fit) while the party’s pretty much over for us at the moment.  It’s their party, and we’ll cry if we want to.  And the party’s loud, messy and causing us to lose sleep. To the tune of Miley Cyrus’s hit “We Can [...]

Secret Subject Swap: Perfect Impossib...

This post is part of a fun and creative writing exercise hosted by my friend Karen at Baking In a Tornado, called Secret Subject Swap!  Here’s how it works. A bunch of bloggers get together and swap story ideas.  Then we work those ideas into a story. My subject was submitted by Juice Box Confession, and I love it; it’s a really [...]

Stigma Fighters: Fighting Mental Illn...

  I’m sitting here on an overcast, rainy New Jersey day listening to Pharrell Williams sing Happy on The Today Show.  I’m on my second cup of coconut mocha java, that I washed down this morning’s Lexapro with and I’m feeling like I’m pretty much on my way toward that end goal. Yesterday on an impulse I boug [...]

Jesus Interviews Celebrities: Kim Kar...

Jesus: Hello, My children, and welcome to My show! It’s about time the “Powers That Be” gave Me My own show; I was sick and tired of seeing everybody else get one and not Me.  I mean, who better than Me to host a show? I don’t even have to do the research; I know everything about My guests. Looking at the transcript no [...]

Scared From Straightened To Sloppy

messy room
The cat bounds into the bedroom, pulling the rug with her like some kind of feline magic carpet.  My eight year old, witnessing the mayhem, in an immediate and instinctive show of OCD solidarity toward his mother, straightens said rug, making sure all the corners are neatly turned down, tassels straightened. My Goddess…what have I done [...]

Writing: It’s a Process. Here&#...

So this lovely lady invited me to participate in a fun and interesting exercise that’s been going on around the web lately.  I was not only honored that the invitation came from her, someone I really admire, but it sounded like fun, and frankly, I’m a sucker for this kind of thing. I love questionnaires, and I love reading them. [...]

Hip N Hop

Yo! This ain’t your Mama’s Dr. Seuss! Listen to what I’m puttin’ down. Word from the Doctor! Or…in this case…your Muthuh!  Somebody’s mother…not yours, but you get the idea…ahem…and now without further adieu… Editor’s Note: The following is a farcical ode to the Hip Hop jams the kids are ̶ [...]

All the World’s a Stage

They say all the world’s a stage.  I like to think it is.  After all, I went to acting school, and that was the only time in my life when I felt I was absolutely justified in my usual craziness and need to be “on”.  Not that I’m always “on”, but when I feel like turning “it” “on”, it [...]

When To Get Married

It makes a lot of sense.  Especially because it came from Bill Murray. I’m not being facetious.  I mean it.  The guy is a straight shooter, a realist.  As honest as they come.  I trust his word as much as I would, say, a beloved President with a solid reputation for being truthful. So when he gave some sage “when to get married [...]

Song Parody: Teenage Waistband

  I’ve been trying to lose weight. Really.  I mean it this time. So for the last few weeks, I’ve been making a concerted effort to cut out the bread, cut out the sugar as much as possible, knock off the chips, fries and burgers completely…I know… and exercise every day. This week I lost lost to four pounds. Then, like an idi [...]

Be Afraid…Be Very Afraid…It’s P...

It’s huge!  So far, it’s been a throbbing, pulsing contribution to the internet.  It’s bigger than anything you could ever imagine in your wildest dreams. And I’m adding my 6″ worth to it. Be afraid.  Be very, very afraid. Yes, It’s In the Powder Room‘s Peen Week! And I’m unveiling something th [...]

5 Of LIfe’s Absurdities Reimagi...

1. The Bravo Show “On the Couch”.  A show where you sit and watch people sitting and watching TV.  Basically the Land O’ Lakes of television.  What if I sat on my couch and watched them sitting on their couches watching someone else on their couch, watching someone else…and so on, and so on?  Come to think of it, this also [...]

Some Of My Facebook Friends Are Dead

Has this ever happened to you?  You find out that one of your 600 Facebook friends has slipped the surly bonds of earth and social media and gone to the “other side”? I’ve had it happen a few times already.  And they weren’t the people that I kinda-sorta-knew-but-never-really-met.  I’m talking about people who we [...]

Take a Load Off Fanny

My radio is trying to tell me something. Or more specifically, Pandora is sending me subliminal messages via Levon Helm and The Band. Here’s the thing; every time I put on Pandora – and granted, I listen to the Tom Petty channel, the Bob Dylan channel, stuff of the Americana ilk – the song ‘Take a Load Off Fanny’ [...]

Ten Things Of Thankful: Thanks A Lot!

Thankfulness is a good thing, kids. We should all get more of it. I highly recommend thankfulness. It beats the hell outta disgruntled, entitlement any day.  Anyway, I’ve had some big thankful moments of late, and I’m long overdue for a contribution here at Lizzi’s party, so here I am with bells on – ring-a-ling-a-ling [...]

Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are...

Sweetheart, I hear that you find your life sucky But did I ever tell you how so very lucky How completely, exorbitantly, increasingly lucky And actually pampered you are? While you claim to have nothing but these dirty socks Might I remind you I dropped five bills on that stupid X Box You’re unhappy tonight with the dinner I’ve m [...]

100 Word Song: Bigmouth Strikes Again

You know,  I’m only ever seeking justice when I stand up and point out things that might be uncomfortable for the listener. It’s only because I care.  But time and time again it lands me in the doghouse. Bigmouth strikes again. You’d think I’d have learned by now.  But no.  I persist. It’s cost me friends.  It [...]

Homeless Hipster

Lately Miles has been a little antsy.  Every time Kevin and I debate something, and that’s fairly often, he tells us to stop fighting. Allow me to clarify. We don’t so much fight as we debate.  We like to debate everything; politics, current events, the music business, the positive and negative qualities of local fast food restau [...]

I was selected for VOTY/PhOTY 2015
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my slice of summer is july 10!

Hi! I'm Linda Roy. My nickname is elleroy. I'm a humorist, musician, writer, mom, and the female Larry David. I'll criticize your parallel parking to prove it. I write about where I've been, what I'm doing and where I'm going. If anybody asks, tell 'em "elleroy was here".

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c’mon, take a little piece o’ my blog now baby…

elleroy was here

sucker for politics & pop culture

Lefty Pop

smokin’ in the girls’ room

rock and roll coffee

I'm a featured blogger on Mamapedia Voices

ranked #1 for humor 10/26/12

unceremoniously bumped by that effing squirrel & kitty video 10/27/12