Hey guys! It’s cover reveal day for the upcoming new humor anthology in the Mother of All Meltdown series from Blue Lobster Book Company! Clash of the Couples: A Humorous Collection of Completely Absurd Lovers’ Squabbles and Relationship Spats! I’m thrilled and proud to be among the stellar list of co-authors!
I’m thrilled to host today’s stop on my friend, Anne Bardsley’s Blog Tour in support of her new book How I Earned My Wrinkles: Musings on Marriage, Motherhood, and Menopause!
Anne and I are Facebook buddies, so it was a real treat to finally meet at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop this past April. She is just as wa [...]
To the mother in the school supply aisle at Target this Wednesday afternoon, yes, it’s me, the woman who did a 180 when you shouted at your daughter. I just wanted to say that I wasn’t judging you. You simply scared the bejezus out of me.
You see, I don’t eavesdrop. And even if I did, I’d have chosen a more intere [...]
“Oh yeah baby, give it to me between the rinse and the spin. Just like that…”
The brief history of my laundry experiences post childhood have been mostly dim, horrible, dank, and smelling of some third world sauna; if third world countries had such things. They’ve mostly been housed in leaky, infested basements [...]
How much do we love our home magazines? It’s porn. I read anything I can get my hands on.
Oh God, and the catalogs! Tell me you haven’t squealed just a little on the inside each time the Pottery Barn catalog turned up in the mailbox.
I can’t bear to throw them away. I once had 10 years of Martha Stewart Livings stockpiled u [...]
Meanwhile, while perusing the menu over ridiculously strong martinis at an upscale restaurant…
Me: I’m thinking about getting the 18 oz 21 Day Dry Aged USDA Prime NY Strip Steak. That is, if I can get all that out. I don’t think I can say all that, much less remember it. Maybe I’ll just point.
Kevin: It’s 18 oz [...]
I’m all out of breath. And I kind of feel like I’m cried out. But that’s how I always feel. And then, just when I think there is nothing left to shock me, hurt me, catch me off guard or guilt me with…
BAM! Another one. Like a sucker punch.
Because that’s what it is, really. And I’m the sucker. Because I [...]
The question comes up frequently. “Are You Working?”
No, I get it; there are a lot of women out there in the workforce. They’re making their own money, getting out of the house, empowering themselves. We’ve come a long way, baby, and I’m all for it. If you’ve read me, you know I’m all Lefty Pop liber [...]
Now wait a minute. Before you get all worked up, I’m not talking about that meat mountain. Though I know my Google analytics are going to be really interesting tomorrow morning, I’ll still be able to respect myself. How, you ask?
I’ve decided to walk away from my relationship with Arby’s.
Yes, it’s true. After a [...]
School lunches have never been considered anything much farther above airline or hospital food and the mere mention of them conjures up images of the Lunch Lady in a hairnet slopping mystery meat onto a plastic plate clad in latex gloves. Yum.
I’m proud to say that my kids won’t touch the stuff thanks to a graphically demonstrat [...]
My household was all abuzz this morning. Over bagels and cream cheese, the subject of Snoop Dogg’s latest conquest loomed large. Seems the Call of Duty video game folks just released a voice pack featuring Snoop, and my kids are all up in that shizz like Philadelphia on cream cheese.
Max had to buy it. He had to. You don’t unders [...]
There are a lot of afflictions that one can suffer from nowadays. I know, because I suffer from almost all of them. I’ve got OCD, PMS, depression, anxiety, FOMO, and MOFO.
What? MOFO? What the hell is that? That’s not even a real thing!
Oh, yes it is! So very real. I’ve been called a Mother since as far back as I can rememb [...]
Hello My Children and welcome to My talk show, where I interview celebrities that sort of make me scratch My head. As you can imagine, I couldn’t wait to talk to Phil Robertson of the reality show Duck Dynasty.
What is happening down there? Can you please tell Me? I know I’m supposed to be all-knowing, but this stumps even Me. [...]
Summer is winding down. For many of us, we’re experiencing the last bastion of summer activities, and that includes the ubiquitous summer camp. There have been letters – of course there have been letters. Of course now, probably more incessant text messages than anything. But in those final attempts to put the point across to u [...]
Not long ago, I had this cocktail at one of my favorite Jersey diners – Americana Diner. This cocktail has become my favorite. I crave it. It’s perfect for summer. It’s clean and refreshing. So I went back and took a chance at asking for the recipe. The accommodating waiter was nice enough to ask the bart [...]
Photo courtesy of Julie DeNeen
“Oh my gawd” you’re saying. It’s over a week after the conference and you’re still recapping this thing? Yes, yes I am. Pull a Sheryl Sandberg for a moment, lean in, and I’ll tell you a little secret. I have been quietly trying to get my collective shit together for over a we [...]
Wow, I’ve really let this place sit dormant, haven’t I? I’m a neglectful blog mother. If there were protective services for blogs, you’d all be calling DBWS. (That’s Division of Blogs and Website Services…rather than Division of Youth and Family Services as we know and love it here in Jersey.) Between prep [...]
Hop into your minivan and get ready to cruise through the crazies of Suburbia! Humorist Stacey Gustafson makes an entertaining tour guide in Are You Kidding Me?, a brash, voyeuristic peek inside the topsy-turvy world of suburban motherhood, midlife madness, and all points in between. If you’ve ever called SWAT on a neighbor, faked a heart at [...]
Shield you from the sun
Shield you from the world
Now you’re looking cool
Not an ordinary girl
If you’re lucky, can be rose colored
Anything would help
This world looks gray and gritty
You don’t wanna be yourself
Those Ray Bans make it sweeter
Less reason now to squint
And the world sees you much clearer
This is not me.
But wouldn’t it be great if it were? “I’m” so beautiful, hip, stylish and blonde! I always wanted to be a blonde. I was for a few months, but it didn’t work out. I’m not all that sunny. I’m a moody brunette through and through.
Here “I’m” so Urban Profession [...]
It’s story time, children. Everyone gather ’round on the story carpet. I’m going to tell you the tale of the magical, mystical Neon Vagina.
Once upon a time, before this writer was a mom she married Kevin. On this momentous day, people brought gifts. Some brought lovely keepsakes, some brought crappy things like salt an [...]
Welcome, My children, to the third installment of My talk show, Jesus! I’m your Heavenly Host, Jesus Christ.
You know, three has always been a magic number for Me, and so I’ve decided the guest for My third show should be someone extra special and important. Who better than Madonna, to fill that bill. Gosh, I have so much to [...]
Last night I had the craziest dream.
My husband Kevin and I were on a plane and the Captain made an announcement: “Attention ladies and gentlemen. We are lucky today to have a special guest onboard! Kristen Wiig of Saturday Night Live is here…(passengers cheer) “and she will be landing the plane!” More cheering. App [...]
Chocolate. Coffee. Tequila. In a pretty bottle. Patrón’s XO Cafe Dark is my favorite libation at the moment. Of the Patrón line of tequila’s it is one of the least expensive too.
Chocolate and coffee both pair well with orange, so I decided on Triple Sec. It’s not too sweet – just a nice hint of orange.