funny with a soundtrack

Starf*cked: A Grande Flappucino and a...

grande donut
By now we’ve all heard the tale of gross injustice. At a donut shop, far, far, away, which will  undoubtedly reap the benefits of this outrageous fortune, a pop star stuck out her tongue and unleashed not only her saliva, but also her disdain for this great country of ours. ‘murica. And on Fourth of July weekend, no less. Cries [...]

It’s Not Easy Being Green: The ...

It's Not Easy Being Green The All Day Morning Sickness
You know how celebrities and really, really lucky people go around saying things like “I didn’t have a day of morning sickness. I felt great”? That’s just sick, isn’t it? I can tell you that’s never been me. With both of my pregnancies, I was sick all day, every day, from day one up until delivery. No, make that during delivery. Each passing [...]

Yes! My First World Problems Do Amoun...

10924875183_e67db832de_z
Coffee is a way of life. In fact, it is life as far as I’m concerned. I started drinking the stuff when I was ten, even though it came from a five-pound can of Folgers decidedly not-French roast, and was nothing more than sludgy water with milk But it was my sludge of choice. So as the years passed, I gradually edged closer toward my current [...]

Good Humor Me! What To Get the Husban...

Good Humor Me
No, I did not marry an axe murderer.  This is Christmas 1990, the year I got Kevin a shirt he considered “fruity” and a meat cleaver.  Why a cleaver?  Because a week earlier he gazed longingly into a locked case full of knives at Bed Bath & Beyond and professed his desire to own a meat cleaver. Who am I to argue when I had [...]

I Identify as a Tall Person

I Identify as a Tall Person
Today is the day I come clean with you guys. I can’t carry on with the charade anymore. I feel like I owe it to you and myself to be straight up and honest about something that has been eating away at me my entire life. This isn’t going to be easy, and God knows it’s probably going to come as a bit of a shock to you. All I&# [...]

Saddam Hussein and an Oreo Cookie

oreo cookie
Whenever I have a weird dream, which is most of the time, I immediately tell Kevin. Sometimes he shakes his head and reminds me that I’m deeply disturbed and other times he analyzes them. He even got me a dream analysis book that I keep on my bedside table for those times when I just have to know what my subconscious is trying to tell [...]

All I’m Asking…is For a L...

RESPECT
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Sock-it-to-me, sock-it-to-me, sock-it-to-me. My mother. Yes, we are on this subject again. Because I’m not in therapy and Kevin will tell me to stop taking her calls, which I can’t do. This should be a regular series: “Mom Phone Calls” Will it be mere seething or general anxiety? Gnashing of teeth or sil [...]

White Trash at Its Finest

white trash crop
Have you seen the viral video of two grown women duking it out in the shampoo aisle at Walmart? In front of a 6 year old boy? Who participated? In case you haven’t, here it is. Feast your eyes, ‘murica. It all happened at a Walmart in Beach Grove, Indiana when a woman complained to a store employee about the presentation of the s [...]

10 Things I Learned at BlogU15

BLOGU15
It’s Monday morning, and I feel like a truck hit me. My legs hurt from actually getting up out of my chair and walking. My left hand is cramped like a monkey’s claw from taking notes old school in a notebook…with a pen. I still have the strains of “Jessie’s Girl” playing on a constant loop in my head. And I [...]

It’s Caitlyn With a “C...

crop
Last night while the family and I languished under the uncertainty of weather related electricity loss, social media was abuzz as the world caught its first glimpses of Caitlyn Jenner, née Bruce. He…she…forgive me…(I’m as enlightened and open-minded as the next guy/gal, but it’s gonna take me a day or so to get u [...]

You Can Have Your Consumer TMI

consumer TMI
The other day, I pulled up to the Burger King drive-thru and just before they took my order, they asked for my name. “Can I please have your name so that I may better serve you?” I sat there wondering what to do, thinking “No. No, you can’t have my name so that you may better serve me.” But since I wasn’t i [...]

Pompous Circumstances and the Process...

pompous circumstances
It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for and the moment I have been dreading. You’re going off to college. It’s not that I’m not excited for you, I am. I know the kinds of adventures that await you. That’s the thing; I know the kinds of adventures that await you. I don’t want to be all “Do as I say, not as I do”, but please, for the love of Go [...]

Yes, I DID Pull a Larry David in the ...

4280804627_60ce2e408d_z
I’m the self proclaimed “female Larry David”.  So was I being myself or not when I went rogue in the mall parking lot? While there is a lot I’d like to impart to the human race on a daily basis, I don’t tend to act on it. But every once in awhile…some asshat just begs me to give ’em “what for&# [...]

What My Kids Think I Do When I Blog

what my kids think i do when i blog image
This is what my kids think I do when I blog. They think this is my audience. This is kind of their philosophy on the whole blogging thing. They could be on to something… And this is what they think I nosh on all day while I “play” on my computer. When I started blogging, the reaction from my kids was mostly “That&# [...]

Elton John Ruined My Massage

Elton John Ruined My Massage
The soft, lilting sounds of Chinese flutes fill the room with a calm serenity that is underscored by the gentle aroma of hibiscus flowers and lavender massage oil. My aching frame is splayed out on the massage table waiting for a transformation from tense and tight to loose and slack. I am being transported to a nether world of blue skies, pu [...]

The Songs That Made Me

the songs that made me featured image
Well, I guess you could have guessed that music is my life. Every part of my life is marked with songs that instantly take me back to those moments. I’ve always got a soundtrack in my head. So when my friend Nancy of Midlife Mixtape asked me to be a part of a blog hop to share the songs that made me, I was all in. The current issue of [...]

Too Illegit to Quit: The Search for M...

Part 5
In parts one, two, three, four and five, I shared the revelations of receiving my original birth certificate, my non-identifying information from the adoption agency, and information about my birth parents and their families. I uncovered truths about myself revealed through the pages of in-depth information that I never dreamed would be avail [...]

Too Illegit to Quit: The Search for M...

Part 5-2
In parts one, two, three and four, I shared the revelations of receiving my original birth certificate, my non-identifying information from the adoption agency, and information about my birth parents and their families. I uncovered truths about myself revealed through the pages of in-depth information that I never dreamed would be available t [...]
Follow

subscribe and never miss the funny!

Posts delivered directly via email!

I was selected for VOTY/PhOTY 2015

i’m in this book! get it here!

i’m published in these books!

elleroy is here too

ProjectUnderblog
Featured on tentotwenty.com