funny with a soundtrack

Give Us This Day Our Daily Dread

The Family Dinner...Crop
There is nothing quite so sacred as the time honored family dinner. And because I recognize and hold this ideal close to my heart, it has become a goal – no, mission, to get my nuclear unit together for at least one square meal a day. Because the evening meal is that portion of the day reserved for carving out quality time with those c [...]

This Crock Pot Could Be Our Demise

crock pot
My mother is a worry wart. I don’t know if the inclination came from a tough childhood, the loss of my father and stepfather, growing up during the depression, or just an ingrained sense of worry. But she worries. A lot. I’ve inherited her propensity for worry to some degree, and I’m guessing it has to do at least in some s [...]

A Book For a Buck!

COC Kindle crop
What a deal! What a steal! Today only, the hilarious relationship anthology Clash of the Couples, A Humorous Collection of Completely Absurd Lovers’ Squabbles and Relationship Spats is available to download for only .99 at! A Book for a Buck? NOT EVEN! It’s a penny less than that!!!  That’s right! For the cost of [...]

Ask Me What’s New

The back of the grocery store employee’s shirt is emblazoned with the words “Ask me what’s new!” I wonder if anybody has ever actually asked. I mean, has anyone ever been so bold as to seriously make the inquiry? And why would that be considered boldness anyway? I mean, it’s literally written on his back. Like a [...]

6 Inappropriate Toys For Kids Just in...

Inappropriate Toys
In the latest of public outrages, it was discovered by horrified moms everywhere that Toys ‘r’ Us had been stocking its shelves with action figures from the popular TV show Breaking Bad. Thats the one about the guy who gets caught up in making and selling meth. A Florida mom started up a petition in protest, successfully getting t [...]

Poor Lena Dunham (A Poem)

Poor Lena Dunham, the voice of your age You twiddled your sister, now the public’s enraged Such a sad shame, things were going so well So much praise and acclaim is now going to Hell We get that you’re “edgy”, you go ‘gainst the grain The “thinking” Girls’ millennial ’tis the key to your [...]

Hurray, I’m Published! Clash of...

Finally, all those arguments Kevin and I have had over the years is amounting to more than just teachable moments, for today is the day of days…the day that I am published in a book, with real pages an’ evry’than. Today is the launch of Clash of the Couples, a hilarious collection of essays from some of the funniest writers [...]

Hey Rich Lady, Don’t Be a Hallo...

Have you heard about the wicked wealthy witch who wrote a letter to Slate’s Dear Prudence advice column complaining about her 1%-er neighborhood being overrun by mini vans full of less fortunate 99%-ers out to pilfer her mountain of full size $100,000 bars on Halloween? Here it is. Get ready to cringe and seethe simultaneously. Dear Pru [...]

Whining & Dining

So Saturday night was date night. We’re getting more of those these days, now that Max is in high school and can hold down the fort for a few hours.  Sometimes it’s an on-the-fly sort of operation, like the time we attempted a spur of the moment Woody Allen movie on opening weekend only to find the night’s showings were all [...]

Sex Hotline 911 Mix Up

red phone
“Hi. How can I help you?” “Help! I’ve got a jumper!” “Oooh…that sounds interesting. Tell me more.” “He’s gonna jump. He can’t take it anymore. He’s in deep. Real deep.” “Oh…I get what you’re saying…and where is ‘he’?” ̶ [...]

You Might Have Ebola If…

1. You just got off a plane from Liberia. Now isn’t the time to jet off to Africa for that djembe master class. Pipe down, Sheila E. Start marching to the beat of your own tribal drummer right here in the U.S. 2. You just threw up a little in your mouth. Be careful. It might not be the latest idiocracy being spewed forth by a member of [...]

It’s a Stupid Job, But Somebody...

I’ve had a lot of stupid jobs. A LOT. And I’ve always wondered how I could get one of those cushy jobs that could be done at home, making my own hours, being my own boss and avoiding all the office politics and bad office parties that I’ve spent years enduring through a plethora of temp jobs and and other cubicle residencie [...]

“Are You Kidding Me?” Put...

  Family life is a beautiful, wonderful bounty of love, laughter, breaking bread, bathroom woes, and mother daughter bonding, (read: humiliation) during literal tangles while bra shopping. Ah, the nuclear tribe resplendent. Welcome to life with the Gustafsons, where matriarch Stacey encounters it all and lives to tell the laugh out loud [...]

I See Old People

Wait a minute. What’s this kid gassing on about? Old people? I thought it was dead people. Is old the new dead? Oh, shit. You know, if I were Bruce Willis, (which by the way, if I could actually be any movie actor, he’d be tied for last place with Bill Bob Thornton) but if I were, I’d be asking this kid a slew of questions [...]

Sometimes All You Need is a Good Holl...

Standing at the kitchen sink on a perfectly content Saturday morning doing dishes, gazing out the window at an unseasonably mild blue sky day, all of a sudden it comes. That feeling. That same old, familiar feeling I get every so often from almost nowhere and from deep down in my gut. Things could be going just swell. No underlying grief. No [...]

Nutella: Transforming From Nutbag to ...

Call me a nutbag Go ahead I’ll admit I’ve spent months in bed Sadness, hopelessness… …wished I was dead Thoughts muddling my heart… …and my head Stormy days cloaked by a dark umbrella The pumpkin awaiting its Cinderella The pills are a help and so is my fella But you know what can save me? That thing call [...]

I was selected for VOTY/PhOTY 2015

buy the book!

ranked #1 for humor 10/26/12

unceremoniously bumped by that effing squirrel & kitty video 10/27/12