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Pass the Stuffing …Heeeeeeerrrreee’s Donna!

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Tomorrow will be my two year blogaversary and believe it or not, this is the first time I’ve ever featured a guest post on the blog. Why? I don’t know. I should’ve done this earlier. Especially because the blogger who has agreed to do the honors has been a dear friend pretty much from the beginning of my time here in the blogosphere.  She’s funny, edgy, clever and real. She’s not afraid to tell it like it is and she does it so well. She keeps me real too. When I started soliciting votes for Babble’s Top 100 Bloggers’ List, she said to me “I’ll vote for you, but what the hell are you doing?”. She was right. I got like 12 votes. She knew it wasn’t my bag, and it wasn’t. That’s not why I do this and it never will be and it isn’t for her either. Every time I read her stuff I think “man, I wish I had the guts to say that.” and I laugh my ass off. I love and respect the hell out of her. So, please welcome the wi-cked-ly ta-len-ted, one and only, Donna Maysack of Pass the Stuffing…Have You Seen Her Blog?

Disorderly Conduct 

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) lists currently recognized mental health disorders. I applied them to my life:

Adjustment Disorder: Getting used to not to punching people in the face.
Acute Stress Disorder: When the jeans that fit as tho tailored for your butt cost $380.

Adult Antisocial BehaviorMe
Adverse Effects Of Medication: When you accidentally take your sleeping pills at work or are pulled over doing 85 in a 30.
Age-Related Cognitive Decline: When you can’t find your glasses, purse, keys, remote, house or car.
Claustrophobia Without History Of Panic Disorder: Sleeping with 3 kids in a king-sized bed.
Alcohol-Related Disorder: Sounds tempting.
Antisocial Personality DisorderWhen you want to punch people in the face.
Avoidant Personality Disorder: Buying without checking the price.
Binge Eating Disorder: This is a disorder? Uh-oh.
Borderline Intellectual Functioning: I don’t know what this is, but am pretty sure my 2nd ex suffers from it.
Brief psychotic disorder: When you’re insane only half the day.
Cannabis-related disorder: My 1st ex has this.
Catatonic Disorder: See Claustrophobia Without History Of Panic.
Clinical Depression:  Life without a Mac.
Communication Disorder: See Clinical Depression.
Delusional Disorder: Wanting to be like Mrs. Duggar
Dementia: Thinking your kids will want to.
Dependent Personality DisorderThe inability to watch TV without a remote.
Depression: Wisconsin.
Disruptive Behavior Disorder: Dinner at our house.
Dissociative Amnesia: I don’t have this, but think I want it..
Dissociative Identity Disorder: Forgetting I wish I were Angelina Jolie.
Expressive Language Disorder: FUCK!!!!!
Feeding Disorder Of Infancy Or Early Childhood: When it takes 3 hours for them to finish dinner.
Female Sexual Arousal Disorder: Caused by hating your husband.
Fetishism:  A tale, mom and Mac.
General Adaptation Syndrome: When your son takes up the drums.
Hallucinogen-Related Disorder: Haven’t experienced this since I was a teen.
Hygenic Disorder: Showering less than once a week.
Impulse Control Disorder: When Adjustment Disorder fails.
Intermittent Explosive DisorderSee above.
Kleptomania: A tail, dog and flip-flop.
Major depressive episodeWaiting for iPhone 5.
Mathematics disorder: Having to check the 2nd grade math answer book.
Medication-Related Disorder: Not having enough drugs or high enough dosages.
Motor Skills Disorder: Not being able to resist punching people in the face.
Nightmare Disorder: Loose rodents.
Occupational Problem: I’m sick of workin.
OMFGD: Catching your 5 year old chewing on your Coach bag strap (I made this one up).
Oppositional Defiant Disorder: My dog.
Parent-Child Relational Problem: Keeping them from wrestling in church.
Partner Relational Problem: Not anymore.
Personality Change Due To Medication Disorder:  I’m hoping.
Personality Disorder: What’s your point?
Phase Of Life Problem: When your son’s in jail.
Phonological Disorder: Can’t find my cell and it makes no sense.
Polysubstance-Related Disorder: Allergy to polyester?
Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder: I married him??!!
Separation Anxiety Disorder: When the chocolates gone.
Sexual Desire Disorder: See above in “F”
Shared Psychotic Disorder: When your friends are crazy too.
Sibling Relational Problem: We have a few.
Social Phobia: Refusing to stand in line.
Specific Phobia: Filling out forms.
Tourette’s Disorder: Having no control over what you say to other Wal-Mart customers.
Voyeurism: Window shopping at the Apple store.

15 Comments

  1. March 7, 2014    

    I love the intro more than my post. I did sit back and watch you with that contest, smh. I finally thought, “Well I love her so if that’s what she really wants…” And you were like, “What do you mean, of course I do.” And then you woke up. It was all a bad dream jk lol Thank you so much. I’m so honored.

    • March 11, 2014    

      You rock Donna. And thanks for keeping me real. It was all a bad dream. Stepford territory. Thanks for guesting. We’re a good team.

  2. March 8, 2014    

    Linda, congrats on the two year blogaversary of your excellent and always entertaining blog! Perfect that Donna is your first guest blogger and her guest post is brilliant, so funny and so real! Love those descriptions for mental health disorders, so many of them had me laughing out loud!! Donna really is very “funny, edgy, clever and real,” well said. Both of you gals are wickedly talented!!!

    • March 8, 2014    

      Thank you JerseyLil!

    • March 11, 2014    

      Thanks Jersey Lil! Great to see you here! Donna’s great and I’m so glad she agreed to do my first guest post. I had a blast recording this.

  3. March 8, 2014    

    I really enjoyed this, especially Occupational Problem and Depression ( although I feel “Ohio” can be accepted as an alternative diagnosis.) Happy blogversay Linda!

    • March 8, 2014    

      Thank you for reading Meg. You can substitute with any state as long as it doesn’t have palm trees.

    • March 11, 2014    

      HA! Meg – Re: Ohio – TRUE! Thanks for the blogaversary wishes. :)

  4. March 9, 2014    

    I loved this! Too bad I couldn’t use it to more accurately diagnose people! (I’m a social worker)

    • March 11, 2014    

      Oh I think you should use it Deanna. Reality should come in large doses.

    • March 11, 2014    

      Haha – that would be great, wouldn’t it Deanna?

  5. March 10, 2014    

    Omg. I love both you ladies and Donna, hysterical AS ALWAYS. I like dementia. It is the TRUE definition of the word..

  6. March 14, 2014    

    This list is classic and I love it! I can’t even begin to pin down how many of these would me listed on my chart! Thanks for the great laugh this morning!

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