Have I been too neg lately?
Eh. Whatever. And in the grand comic tradition, I like to turn lemons into citron vodka, add a nice mixer like that Arnold Palmer mix in the big ass jug, and pour to my heart’s content while making dinner. Because I’m not the type to spring out of bed every morning before twelve without a healthy dose of resentment, I need to pour myself a cup java before making funny of the stuff that bugs the hell out of me, because I simply cannot.let.anything.go.
Sometimes I do things like yell at the TV or roll my eyes in indignation. Maybe I’ll unload on Kevin, who’s heard it all a zillion times and still hasn’t either divorced me or smacked me over the head with a perfectly seasoned cast iron skillet, God bless his heart.
I know that every day above ground is a good day. But why can’t the ground be in the South of France today? I’m a bored with Jersey and I need to work on my tan.
I’m no fan of Nancy Reagan – I still can’t get over that whole thing about the White House dishes – I do think her ‘Just Say “NO!”‘ works for me on a certain level.
So I choose to say no.
To humble braggers
To Name Droppers
To One Uppers
and living to impress
To flaking out
and selling out
To Over Achieving Moms
and Facebook game requests
To mall kiosk people chasers
To crappy school lunches
To “Good for you…”
To people who appropriate others’ ideas, then homogenize them to death
To people who police other people on the internet
To people with no courage
And no tolerance
To the over-perfectionizing of America
To people who judge others’ parenting choices
and reprimand their kids in front of them
To sweeping generalizations
and Sarah Palin
To erectile dysfunction commercials
To erections lasting more than four hours
To Paula Deen
And getting old