Just Say No .jpg

Have I been too neg lately?

Eh. Whatever.  And in the grand comic tradition, I like to turn lemons into citron vodka, add a nice mixer like that Arnold Palmer mix in the big ass jug, and pour to my heart’s content while making dinner.  Because I’m not the type to spring out of bed every morning before twelve without a healthy dose of resentment, I need to pour myself a cup java before making funny of the stuff that bugs the hell out of me, because I simply cannot.let.anything.go.

Sometimes I do things like yell at the TV or roll my eyes in indignation. Maybe I’ll unload on Kevin, who’s heard it all a zillion times and still hasn’t either divorced me or smacked me over the head with a perfectly seasoned cast iron skillet, God bless his heart.

I know that every day above ground is a good day. But why can’t the ground be in the South of France today? I’m a bored with Jersey and I need to work on my tan.

I’m no fan of Nancy Reagan – I still can’t get over that whole thing about the White House dishes – I do think her ‘Just Say “NO!”‘ works for me on a certain level.

So I choose to say no. 

To humble braggers

To Name Droppers

To One Uppers

To Two-Timers

Down Sizers

and cliques

To competitions

and living to impress

To grandstanding

To flaking out

To helicoptering

and selling out

To Over Achieving Moms

and Facebook game requests

To mall kiosk people chasers

To crappy school lunches

To “Good for you…”

To people who appropriate others’ ideas, then homogenize them to death

To people who police other people on the internet

To people with no courage

And no tolerance

To calories

and mimes

To the over-perfectionizing of America

To people who judge others’ parenting choices

and reprimand their kids in front of them

To sweeping generalizations

To hypocrisy

and greed

To menopause


and Sarah Palin

To erectile dysfunction commercials

To erections lasting more than four hours

To fatigue

And menopause

To Paula Deen

And getting old


Hell no.